In Defense of Chanting KISS KISS KISS KISS During "Godzilla vs. Kong"
These two big huge monsters should kiss and that's all there is to it.
I’m not the first to say it, and I won’t be the last: Godzilla and Kong should kiss!
The Case for Chanting KISS KISS KISS KISS at the screen during Godzilla vs. Kong:
They are both big huge monsters - They have so much in common! Being a big huge monster is an experience shared by only a few creatures, most of whom are trying to kill both Kong and Godzilla. Y’all have so much to talk about!
Kong and Godzilla each enjoy stomping on humans - Stomping human beings to death is a past time that appeals to a small number of individuals. Again, these are topics they can connect on over dinner or on a moonlit stroll, I don’t know I’m just spit-balling here!
They both love breaking an enemy's jaw by bending it outwards until it snaps - This is one of Kong’s go-to moves, but it’s also something Godzilla has dabbled in. It’s important to have compatible problem-solving strategies.
Have Godzilla or Kong even had their first kisses? - We see in Son of Kong that Kong reproduced, even though we don’t meet his mate. In Godzilla (1998), Matthew Broderick tells us that Godzilla is pregnant, but produces asexually, leading to a joke that confused 11-year-old for like nine more years: “Where’s the fun in that?” Regardless, if neither of these big huge monsters have ever been good and kissed before, don’t they deserve love too?
Kong always picks the wrong partner - Kong, you need to watch that terrible movie He’s Just Not That Into You, where BEN AFFLECK of all people is the only redeeming male character, because none of these tiny human blonde women are even into you, man! You are incompatible with them! Both emotionally and more importantly: physically! Find yourself a nice big huge monster and KISS ALREADY!
Sam and Diane - Look, we all love it. Sparring lovers. Moonlighting. Shakespeare. We love a “will they or won’t they” romance, and these two crazy kids are the perfect pair. They fight, they KISS, they fight again. Do it.
Look. It’s been a long pandemic. - I haven’t touched another human being in a year. Please. I need this. I need to believe in love again. I need these big huge monsters to mash their mouths together and kiss. Please.
Godzilla vs. Kong opens in theaters today and is streaming on HBO Max right now! Go watch it!